For the past three weeks I have been angry. I don't usually get angry but certain things wind me up like an emotionally-charged spinning top.
This 'problem', shall we call it, has caused chaos in just about every element of my life.
My financial situation, my love life, my social calendar, and even my work have all suffered as a result.
And the root of my problem...? The internet.
The words "it seemed like a good idea at the time..." have rung around my head for more than 21 days now and my rage is only just subsiding.
Three weeks ago I, as a landlord, decided that I would install a wireless router to a). satisfy the facebook needs of my housemate; and b). prevent him from entering my bedroom every time he needed to use the web for whatever reason.
Easy I thought. Sure, Virgin Media also agreed that it'd be an easy thing.
But you know those people that say "nothing is ever easy?" Well, they - whoever 'they' are - are right.
The router arrived with the supposed 'handy' installation disk and when I switched on my Pc my internet failed.
I hadn't even pulled out a lead or switched a switch yet and already my ageing broadband connection was throwing a hissy fit at the sight of the router.
I phoned Virgin and apparently I had "deleted my driver". At this point all sorts of weird images and thoughts went through my head, but the only response which translated into anything like the English language was "um, uh-huh".
"How did THAT happen?" I asked.
"Pass" the supposed IT helpdesk person replied.
So, 28 minutes later I hang up, connect all the cables together in the mere hope it will come together like a Macgyver (remember that TV show?!) plan.
Nothing, plenty of green and yellow lights signalling success... but ultimately nothing.
I call back Virgin... "If you've got a lap top it should have wireless access now" the not-so-much-sympathetic-but-more-defiant voice says to me.
"That's all very well mister but I want to my Pc to work!" (was the toned down reply I gave).
Nothing.
The next day I take the Pc into the Herald office IT department.
Turned out the driver had gone. Where I'm not sure but it had driven far far away and not left a trace.
The nice people downstairs re-installed it and I later took it home, connected up the wires again and... nothing.
Somehow, and I'm not even going to pretend how, a friend and I re-connected up the original connection (minus the router) and left it - and several hours later it decided to work again.
Happy and content to at least have some sort of connection I left it for three or four days until my housemate came home on Sunday.
By yesterday afternoon he'd connected up the router (without the installation disk I might add), typed in some IP address - which I have no idea what it does - on my Pc and by magic it all works.
And now I have time to reflect. What did I do wrong? Why did I do right? Was it my mistake? Virgin?!'s.
I'm not sure. I can't point fingers but I know it's been emotional.
And how sad is it that I found myself so reliable on the internet?
Banking - done online.
Social networking - done online.
Shopping - done online.
Work - a great proportion done online.
Love life - now hang on... that sounds weird. Sure I send emails to my girl but... oh whatever!
We are all so reliant on the internet nowadays that it only takes three or four days of not having access to show how integrated it is in our lives.
Anyways rant over... here's the best of the new games over the past two weeks:
Title: Soulcalibur IV
Platform: PS3
Genre: Fighter
Price: £49.99
Hit Count: 5/5
The Soulcalibur series has an almost peerless pedigree when it comes to the fighting genre and to say that this PS3 release has been eagerly anticipated would be something of an understatement.
Namco has topped the lot this time, as weapon-wielding battles take on a new level of depth and visual delight.
New gameplay modes and characters keep things feeling fresh (a guest appearance by Darth Vader will always win the crowds over), while some classic warriors try their hand in the next-gen world, too.
Some serious time has been invested into the online capabilities here and that, coupled with the incredible character customisation options, makes Soulcalibur IV a fighter that will certainly stand the test of time.
Title: SBK-08: World Superbike 2008
Platform: Xbox 360
Genre: Racing
Price: £39.99
Hit Count: 3/5
If the Moto GP series were to glance into either wing mirror, it’d be likely to see SBK coming up on the inside.
While the former has dominated two-wheeled console racing, SBK-08 is the series’ first appearance on the next-gen consoles.
It’s a pretty decent stab at seizing top spot on the podium. You’ll have to put some hours in to get the most from the game – it’s more down the simulation route than a pick-up-and-play arcade affair.
But you don’t need more than a couple of minutes to see it does a good job visually. There are plenty of vehicle modifications to tinker with and racing modes to master, so bikers will be more than happy with how this caters to their superbike obsessions.
Title: Flat-Out Ultimate Carnage
Platform: PC
Genre: Racing
Price: £29.99
Hit Count: 4/5
The FlatOut franchise might lack the hype of Burnout and Gran Turismo, but it offers no less of a unique driving experience and has remained steadily popular.
Ultimate Carnage has been rebuilt from the ground up, taking a heavy steer from last year’s Xbox 360 version, and it provides a pretty breathtaking experience.
Seeing your driver fly through his windscreen after a particularly brutal collision will put a warm glow in the pit of your stomach.
Yes, you may lose the race, but it looks spectacular. It’s the undisputed No 1 destruction racer on the market. What are you waiting for? Go do some damage!
Title: Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune: Platinum
Platform: PS3
Genre: Action
Price: £19.99
Hit Count: 4/5
It doesn’t seem like the PS3 has been around long enough to be knocking out platinum budget titles, but when it’s a game of the quality of Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, we’re not going to complain too much.
Put simply, for £20 this is probably the best action adventure on the console to date.
It offers a gloriously rich storyline, eye-popping visuals and an uncomplicated yet rewarding mixture of platform, combat and puzzles.
This quest for the treasure of El Dorado makes it hard to distinguish where one cut-scene ends and the real action begins, making the game an incredibly engrossing experience.
It’s a gem that’s well worth digging out again.
Title: Puzzler Collection
Platform: Nintendo DS
Genre: Puzzle
Price: £19.99
Hit Count: 4/5
It’s school holiday time and if those long car journeys are starting to send shivers down your spine, why not stock up on a bundle of over 2,000 puzzles to keep the kids quiet?
Puzzler Collection brings you Fitword, Crossword, Sudoku and Wordsearch puzzles with three difficulty levels that ensure you won’t crack them without some serious effort.
Everything is timed against the clock so the pressure is always mounting. It might look and feel functional, but this game’s more about challenging your mind than entertaining your eyes.
Title: Race Driver: GRID
Platform: Nintendo DS
Genre: Racing
Price: £29.99
Hit Count: 4/5
Fans of racing games are often disappointed if a game proves to be too arcadey or too much of a plodding simulation.
While this may not boast the supreme graphics of the PS3 and Xbox 360 versions, this shrunk down DS version of Race Driver: GRID does a fantastic job of juggling both balls, offering over-the-top thrills and spills for the casual racer, coupled with an intense on-track experience that still manages to make a big impact on the small dual screen system.
There are plenty of DS racers to take this Codemasters title round the track a few times, but this baby still qualifies pretty high up the GRID.
Title: Beijing 2008
Platform: PC
Genre: Athletics
Price: £29.99
Hit Count: 4/5
The Olympics are finally here and, while video gaming has yet to be recognised as an Olympic sport, that’s not going to stop you enjoying Beijing 2008 on PC.
You can instantly transport yourself to China and compete in over 30 events, from athletics and gymnastics to cycling, table tennis or archery.
It all adds up to a pretty impressive sporting compendium. Although lending nothing particularly new or innovative to the gameplay it nonetheless locates and grips your competitive side, making the quest for gold in all events a relentless one.
Taking the competition online adds an extra dimension to proceedings, and brings a real worldwide international flavour to your living room, as every Olympics should!
Title: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Platform: PS2
Genre: Action
Price: £24.99
Hit Count: 3/5
The Mummy films have just enough special effects and tongue-in-cheek cheesy humour to justify their summer blockbuster status, and Tomb of the Dragon Emperor sees Brendan Fraser and company enter their third adventure.
This is the sadly-yet-predictably poor tie-in video game. Repetitive, basic in appearance and devoid of any shred of innovation, even if you’re the biggest fan of the film series there’s no way you’ll fall in love with this game.
Pointlessly difficult at times and downright boring at others, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor’s redeeming features are few and far between. At best this is one to rent – at worst a guaranteed bargain binner.
Title: Echochrome
Platform: PSP
Genre: Puzzle
Price: £19.99
Hit Count: 4/5
A sign of a puzzle title’s true potential is often the appearance of utter simplicity from the outset.
One glance at the monochrome, linear appearance of Echochrome may lead you to wonder what all the fuss is about, but within a few levels you’ll be entranced by a 3D puzzler that gives thinking gamers something they’ve never played before.
Twisting levels to lead your ambling mannequin from start to finish, you’ll find yourself having to redraw your own laws of perception in order to succeed and, save for fairly repetitive sound, this is an all-round captivating gaming experience that you’d be mad to miss – especially at under £20.
Title: Growlanser: Heritage of War
Platform: PS2
Genre: RPG
Price: £19.99
Hit Count: 3/5
In a world overcrowded by RPGs, standing out from the crowd is a difficult task. Heritage of War comes packed with extra art books, a key ring, buttons and other bits and bobs to give the feel of added value.
However, it’s the core item in this package – the game itself – that brings you back into the familiar territory of playing through an average fantasy RPG.
Poor graphics, coupled with a ropey combat system and some of the most laughable lines of dialogue you’ll have heard in a long time, don’t do much to endear this game to fans of the genre. It’s a shame to have such a disappointing release from the Atlus stable; here’s hoping a return to form isn’t far away.
GAMES CHART ALL FORMATS FULL PRICE
1.Soulcalibur IV
2.Wii Fit
3.Mario Kart Wii
4.Wall-E
5.Big Beach Sports
6.Guitar Hero: On Tour
7.Wii Play
8.Mario & Sonic At The Olympic Games
9.Dr Kawashima’s Brain Training
10.LEGO Indiana Jones: Original Adventures
Leisure software charts compiled by Chart Track, (c) ELSPA (UK) Ltd
